If you read the title of this post, you probably thought this was going to be another diatribe about our need to shut off our phones and pay attention to our kids and each other. Well, that is a good thought, but it is not what this post is about; not even close.
It's been one month. One month since my life changed forever. If you didn't already know, it's been one month since I said goodbye to my dad. That didn't hit me when I woke up this morning. Honestly, I've been so busy that I barely know it's September!
Over the last month, I've been busy catching up with things in my own life as well as dealing with everything that was left behind by the passing of my dad. Today, I had to take care of his cell phone. I had to go to the store to shut off his line. That may not seem like a big deal compared to picking out a casket or where he will be buried, but it was; it was bigger than I thought it would be.
My dad and I lived apart from each other for the past 12 years. We would see each other a few times a year when either he would come visit with mom or I would go to Arkansas to visit him. The times in between was spent on the phone. We would usually talk once a week and our conversations consisted of baseball and other sports, how the boys were doing, and world issues. He would usually have his phone readily available. He would also text me different things and maybe pictures of his latest hunting expedition.
Today was symbolic of the fact that those phone conversations and texts had come to an end. I miss my dad every day. There have been times since he passed that I have wanted to call him and tell him something cool that happened like winning a corn hole tournament or watching the Red Sox from inside and on top of the Green Monster. But, I can't do that anymore. I can't call him anymore. I can't roll my eyes on the other side of the phone when he says something ridiculous. Those days are over and that is hard to deal with.
It's been hard over the last month to deal with dad being gone. But, thankfully I have a greater Father who loves me more than my dad could ever have. God by His grace is getting me through even though there have been times when I want to scream. There have been times when I could not control the anger. There have been times when the tears came on without warning.
I know that my God cries with me. I know that Jesus my Savior knows what it is like to suffer loss. I am thankful for that. I am thankful that my line to God will never end even in death. But, I also know that it's okay to hurt. It's okay for those little moments to affect me more than I thought they would. Shutting off my dad's phone was hard and I'm okay with that. I'm okay with things being hard because I believe in a God who loves me through it.
